But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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