girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize