I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
