At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
