I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
