dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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