I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
