I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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