I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
