My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
