First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dicks are not precious.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
