No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
