you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
