Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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