He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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