Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
