It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
