I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
