So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
