How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
