I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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