there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
