It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I touched a dick in church today
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
