Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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