Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
