I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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