Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
