dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
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she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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