Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
