Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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