Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
