Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
