Buhtt sex?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
