We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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