You made me cry and you don't even care
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
