it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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