____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
