hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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