You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
