it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The air was thick with penises
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
