White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
