Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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