My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
