I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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