I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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