the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
