who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
