I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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