I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dear god my vagina.
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