I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
