That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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