I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
