They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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