i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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