"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
