Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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