Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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