I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have tasted many bathrooms
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
