The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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