The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
