2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
