Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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