I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
