If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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