So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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