Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize