Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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