Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where is the hickey?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
