Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
