So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
