That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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