I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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