I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
