You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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