I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just had sex on a roof
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
