Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
